Feb 124 min read

Surrendering

"I am ready for death, because I have done it many times, and it has only led me into larger worlds." Richard Rohr

Ok, that is quite the quote to start this blog entry. Why the heck are you focusing on death? That is grim and no one wants to really think for very long on that (unless you are on "death's door"). What attracts me to this quote is the line "because I have done it many times". That is what got me to thinking, what does Richard Rohr mean by experiencing death many times? Death of what?

Well, I am reading a book called "The Grace in Dying, A Message of Hope, Comfort, and Spiritual Transformation" by Kathleen Dowling Singh which has the following quotes that might shed some light. She speaks how terminal illness, in effect, reverses the momentum of our life.

"We have lived for so long believing that we had to have what we desire in order to do as we desire so that we can think as we desire so as to enable us to be as we desire."

Yet, it is her next sentences that really got my attention.

"Terminal illness, which goes against every desire of the mental ego, takes away anything that in the past or the future we might have, it brings to an end our ability to do, throwing into chaos our ability to think in our accustomed and familiar ways, and forcing us to be. Terminal illness demands of us: "Don't just do something: sit there."

These quotes helped me see how many "little deaths" of my mental ego lie ahead for me. I am very attached to all the things I have and able to do because of my health and our financial resources. I have worked hard to keep my body fit and in shape and we worked for many years to be able to retire and enjoy the retired life as we had hoped and desired. This is all good and so what about the little deaths again?

So, how about the "death of my mental ego's" illusion that I am fit as a 25 year old? How is that coming along? Have I injured myself again trying to live out this illusion because I have failed to "die gracefully" to the reality I am not 25 years old? Yet, the ego is strong and it does not like to surrender or let go. Maybe this could be good "training ground" for me as many more of these changes in what I have or can do will be coming my way.

How about facing up with the day where I can no longer hike or drive a car? Whoa, that is not a "little death", baby! Those are days if I live long enough I am sure to face though. So, maybe it is not a bad idea to get started now in the art and practice of letting go, surrendering or "lightening my grip" on some of the changes that are occurring in what I have or can do?

So, how does one go about this you might ask? Just what are you doing to practice letting go or surrendering to the changes that have happened or will happen to your ability to have, do, think and be as you desire?

Well, this quote from the line about is what I am doing, I am not doing, I am sitting.

"Don't just do something, sit there"

How that heck does that make any sense I am sure your thinking! I realize this sounds crazy but I am indeed finding "larger worlds" as Richard Rohr states by my "sitting in silence" practices where I do nothing. What do I mean by "larger worlds"? As I have become more and more practiced at "sitting there" I am experiencing a change in myself. I am finding I don't grip on things as hard and am able to let go easier without getting angry or defensive. I finding I am more present to the moment and I feel like my mind and heart have expanded in love.

Now, I want to be very clear, I recognize that this expansiveness I am experiencing is not a 24/7 thing. I grows and dims and the more I stay true to the "sitting practice" the more grounded I am. I also know that those big changes coming like no longer being able to hike or drive are not going to be easy to surrender. I know there will be tears. I know I will grieve the losses. I am hopeful that I will be able to gracefully let go. Maybe I will have learned to do this as I will have practiced it "one little death" at a time?

There is grace and it abounds!

John

Photographs of Expansiveness

Since I spoke of "larger worlds" I thought a series of images that evoke that would be fun to share today. So, let's begin with a series of images I captured in 2023 using a wide angle lens looking up at the forest canopy of many of the hikes I did last year.